I just ran across a gem of a book that a friend loaned to me: Finding the Love of Your Life: Ten Principles for Choosing the Right Marriage Partner, by Neil Clark Warren, PhD.

Warren, a Christian Psychologist/Counselor, makes a case for taking great care in selecting a spouse--none of us would argue with that. Here are a few things he mentioned for singles to do in the mate selection process:

*Make sure you have developed a reasonable level of self-identity (know where you are going in life, etc). He argues against getting married before the mid-20's. I found this interesting considering some of the debates going around about young marriage.

*Get emotionally healthy yourself.

*Avoid premarital sex. Warren argues for abstinence because premarital sex clouds one's judgment (I've written about this before: Premarital Sex and False Intimacy).

*Look for someone who is similar to you in the most important areas (spiritually, intellectually, etc).

Those are just a few highlights.  I don't have time to write a more extensive review. 

This book has been around a while--it was written in the early 90's.  You can buy a used copy of this book for 1 cent. That's right--1 cent. I just bought one for about two dollars to add to my library (I looked for one that was in a little better shape).  It'll be waiting on me next time I visit the States.

Hey guys,

Sorry that I haven't updated this blog in so long.  As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been busy.

Anyway, I'd like to share something I've been thinking about a lot over the past few weeks.  It has to do with Christian books and articles about singleness, dating, etc. 

Consider this:

Debbie Maken apparently had a hard time meeting responsible, mature Christian men.  Her conclusion: the current rise of singleness is largely due to male immaturity.


Carolyn McCulley wondered why she was still single in her late 30's.  Her conclusion:  singleness is a gift God chooses to give to some people--we have little choice in the matter.

If I understand it correctly, Mark Regnerus married at age 22.  His conclusion: early marriage is the solution to our problems with sexual immorality.

It seems like some authors have a hard time seeing beyond their own personal experience.   I guess all of us do, but special care should be used when you are writing to the masses.

What do you think? 

Hey guys,

I realize I haven't posted here in a long time.  Sorry, but I've been busy with several projects.

Lately I've been juggling campus ministry, a weekly radio show, speaking gigs, and working out the final details of the second book.  

I've also put considerable time and effort into my Strength, Fitness, and Weight Loss Blog.  This project helps keep me motivated to stay in the gym.

Jason is alive, too--we chatted online a few days ago.   But we live on other sides of the globe and haven't been able to collaborate much (which is painfully obvious by the lack of posts).

Hope you are all enjoying the holiday season.  Speaking of the holidays, you may be interested in checking out some of the Christmas Devotionals on my personal blog.

Weighing in on that Christianity Today article. 

Mark Regnerus recently posted an article in Christianity Today entitled The Case for Early Marriage.  Albert Mohler jumped on the bandwagon and praised Regenerus' work. 

While Regnerus makes some interesting points, I was shocked by this statement:

Evangelicals tend to marry slightly earlier than other Americans, but not by much. Many of them plan to marry in their mid-20s.Yet waiting for sex until then feels far too long to most of them. And I am suggesting that when people wait until their mid-to-late 20s to marry, it is unreasonable to expect them to refrain from sex. It's battling our Creator's reproductive designs (emphasis mine).

As an advocate of sexual purity, I'm appalled.  I'm equally perplexed that Mohler would choose to quote something that directly contradicts the Bible.

Consider Paul's warning against sexual immorality:

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.
--1st Thessalonians 4:3-8

Apparently what God expects is "unreasonable."

There's a lot more I could say if I had time.  But I'd like to contribute to this discussion by asking three simple questions:

Question 1:  What if this article was written in 1890?

Regnerus noted the tendency to marry older since 1970.  Well, why don't we go back 80 years--the average age of marriage for men was 26.  What if a well-known Christian author/pastor said it wasn't "reasonable" to expect these young men to wait until they were married?  I imagine he'd be labeled as a hedonist and never taken seriously again.

Question 2:  What if we applied that same logic to divorce?

Rengerus follows the above quote with this statement: "Very few wait long for sex."  In other words, since so few are abstinent, it isn't "reasonable" to expect them to be abstinent.  But what about divorce?  We know the divorce rate is high, even among Christians.  Following this same warped logic, you'd end up with a statement like this:

"It isn't reasonable to expect two people to be faithfully committed to each other until death.  The data doesn't lie:  many will end up divorced."

See the problem?  Making assertions based on people's behavior instead of the Scripture is a slippery slope.


Question 3:  Is Anyone Thinking of the Positive Aspects of Marrying Beyond Age 25?

Speaking of divorce, there is a correlation between marital success and marrying beyond the mid-20's.  Consider this data from divorcerate.org:

 Those who marry at 25 and up have a significantly lower divorce rate than those who marry younger.  I'm not saying we should encourage all singles to wait until they are 25, but there does seem to be some advantages to it.  Marrying later does have its problems, but it may be one reason the divorce rate in America is falling.

I hope these three questions will give us some food for thought.

I really get cracked up with the Stuff Christians Like blog. 

Tonight I ran across this gem:

Stuff Christians Like: Surviving Church as a Single

It made me laugh out loud.  Enjoy!

I occasionally read Boundless.org.  I think they produce some good, practical articles for singles.  A few days ago I noticed an article entitled Browsing for a Mate by Candice Watters.  She shared her views on the pluses and minuses of using online dating services.  Reading it brought this question to mind:  are Christian leaders too negative about internet dating? 

Before I go any further, let me say this:  I believe we should encourage caution and discernment when it comes to internet dating (or any kind of dating, for that matter).  I've discussed this in some of my own articles.  But Watters' article seems to take a negative tone:  she mentions a few advantages of online services, but it seems she put a lot more thought into the "minuses" section. 

It isn't the first time I've seen this:  the article on Josh Harris' website has a similar "feel" to it. 

I have a great deal of respect for Candice Watters, Josh Harris, and their respective ministries.  But here are my concerns:

*The before-mentioned articles seem to emphasize the negatives of online dating.  I don't see much about the thousands of people who have successfully found a godly spouse online.


*Some of the disadvantages I've seen discussed are, in my opinioin, not unique to online dating.  I've met plenty of men and women who compromise purity and wisdom in relationships that started through more traditional means. 

*Finally, I don't get the sense that the writers really understand the plight of the "average" Christian single.  Here's what I mean: the single person may find very few marriage prospects in the average church.  Even larger churches may not have much in the way of singles ministry.  The internet may be one of the few places a Christian single can connect with other like-minded singles. 

I'm not on a campaign to get everyone to join an online dating sight.  But I have several friends who are happily married as a result of online dating.  I hope Christian leaders are not too negative about a legitamite means of finding a spouse.

What do you think?

Here's a news story I ran across:


I know some of us would consider this extreme--spending 50,000$ on a matchmaker?

But another thought hit me: didn't Abraham do something quite similar to find a wife for his son? Consider this story from Genesis:

Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the LORD had blessed him in every way. He said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."
-Genesis 24:1-4

The Bible even indicates Abraham took considerable expense:

Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor.
-Genesis 24:10

There are differences, of course in these two stories.  Abraham was primarily concerned with finding a spiritually suitable partner for his son (vs. the millionaire's "b" requirements).   Having said that, I wonder if the mystery millionaire's approach is more biblical than the "don't do anything, just wait on the Lord" cliches being passed around in churches.

As I mentioned in a previous review, using the "theological giants" as a source of authority can be problematic.  

Martin Luther, for example, is often quoted as saying fewer than "one in a thousand" men are truly suited for celibacy. 

But I ran across a humorous quote from the same work,  The Estate of Marriage:

To sum the matter up: whoever finds himself unsuited to the celibate life should see to it right away that he has something to do and to work at; then let him strike out in God's name and get married. A young man should marry at the age of twenty at the latest, a young woman at fifteen to eighteen; that's when they are still in good health and best suited for marriage. Let God worry about how they and their children are to be fed. God makes children; he will surely also feed them. Should he fail to exalt you and them here on earth, then take satisfaction in the fact that he has granted you a Christian marriage, and know that he will exalt you there; and be thankful to him for his gifts and favours.

Would anyone consider this sound advice on marriage in our current context--telling young women to marry at 15?  I sincerely doubt it.

In fairness to Luther, it was a different time--men were finished with their education (if any) much earlier.  But that's my point--we must be careful in interpreting and applying his thoughts. 

Don't get me wrong--I think we can still learn much from those who have gone before us and wrestled with theological issues.  But let's not forget something: even "theological giants" were only men.

Lisa of the Christian Single Woman did an online (email) interview with me.  You can read it HERE.

Does anyone else think we have a tendency to treat all singles the same, regardless of their age?  Let me take it a step further:  do churches/ministries sometimes treat all singles as if we are still in high school?

Let me give you a couple of examples.  Years ago I was regularly visiting a friend's church.  It was a "mega church" that had a fairly large singles ministry (I think they combined college and young singles).  One day a young evangelist came.  He preached and his wife sang before the whole congregation. 

The singles ministry had a lunch after worship.  The said evangelist had been invited to speak to us.  He shared his testimony of meeting his wife and how they kept their relationship pure.  To be honest, I was a little bit disappointed--I told one of my friends we had just heard the "virgin speech."

Don't get me wrong--I have nothing against talking about purity (heck, I've written a book about it).  But I felt like he missed an opportunity to talk to us about something a little . . . deeper.  His message was a little more fitting for a high school group.  I'm pretty sure we had already made up our minds on this particular issue. 

Here's another example: books.  People ask me if I've read When God Writes Your Love Story.  I haven't.  Call me crazy, but I don't think someone who married at age 18 can give me much advice.  Then there's I Kissed Dating Goodbye.  I think Harris' book is OK for teenagers who are playing the typical recreational dating game and need to re-think their approach to love.  But it wouldn't be my book of choice for everyone, especially young adults (age 18 and up).  Other books (see the recommended reading over on the left column of this site) are much better suited for a more mature reader. 

So, what do you think?  Do churches/ministries sometimes try to treat high school, college, and singles (of all ages) with a "one size fits all" approach? 

Related Posts:

Dating:  The Accelerator and the Brake

My Top Five Christiand Books on Dating/Relationships

I’d like to discuss two books which were instrumental in the creation of this website. 

Before I begin, I want to say I have no personal issue with either author.  Both of them are sisters in Christ, and both seem to be passionate about God’s Word and the kingdom. 

But I have some serious questions about some of the ideas in their books.  These books represent two extremes—extremes which we hope to avoid on this blog.

Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?, Carolyn McCulley

Here’s the summary you’ll find on the back of her book:

Through personal anecdotes and careful examination of Scripture, Carolyn McCulley challenges single women to regard their singleness not as a burned, but as a gift from God that allows them to perform a unique role in the body of Christ.

Here are some of the problems I found with her book:

The Gift of Singleness:

McCulley dedicates a whole chapter to it (called “Esteeming the Gift”).   I’m not sure exactly where this gift-of-singleness idea came from (she’s not the first to write about it), but I’m not buying it.   She compares the “gift of singleness” to the spiritual gifts, claiming that God has assigned both (spiritual gifts and marital status) within the body.

I found this exegesis to be quite clumsy.  In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul is simply giving the church advice regarding singleness vs. marriage—I see nothing in Scripture to imply we are “assigned” singleness in the same way we are assigned spiritual gifts.

Fatalism and Logic:

McCullen proceeds to tell readers they are single because of God’s divine will:

Ultimately, we are single because that’s God’s will for us right now.  That’s it.  It’s not because we are too old, too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, to quiet, too loud, too smart, too simple, too demanding, or too anything else.  It’s not wholly because of past failures or sin tendencies . . . We are single today because God apportioned us this gift today.

This just makes no sense to me.  Like it or not, everything she mentioned can (and does) affect one’s chances of finding a spouse.  I’m by no means implying we have to be perfect to get married, but let’s be realistic.  

McCullen presents singleness as some divine assignment—something God gives us whether we want it or not.  I just don’t see this in the Scripture.

Getting Serious About Getting Married,  Debbie Maken

I had high hopes for this book.  I thought Debbie Maken was on to something other books had completely missed.  We even emailed a time or two before I read GSAGM. 

Maken did make some great points.  She presented marriage as God’s fundamental design for man and woman—God’s plan for us to meet our sexual and emotional needs.  Marriage, she argued, is something we can and should desire.

The Marriage Mandate

I agreed with some of Maken’s conclusions, but I think she carried them way too far.  She insisted that “protracted singleness” is a sin against God.  While the Bible clearly affirms marriage, it never says it is a sin to be single. 

Maken often quoted Calvin and Luther to back up her points.  But quoting the theological giants is a double-edged sword.  They are, after all, just men—fallible men with their own peculiar ideas. Consider this quote from Martin Luther:

"Men have broad shoulders and narrow hips, and accordingly they possess intelligence. Women have narrow shoulders and broad hips. Women ought to stay at home; the way they were created indicates this, for they have broad hips and a wide fundament to sit upon."

Anyone want to write a book or sermon entitled,  Men have Brains, Women have Big Butts? Not me!

Blaming Men

As I read this book, I wrote "M-B" (short for "man-bashing") in the margins of several pages. Consider a few of these quotes:

"Most of the men I observed on the dating scene were essentially boys in men's clothing."

"Of course, if you're a single woman but are not called to singleness, it's usually not your fault."

"Ultimately there are no sound reasons or legitimate excuses why men--especially Christian men--are not getting married."

"Pointing to feminists and easy sex is a convenient distraction from the real problem concerning the formation of Christian marriages”  (the “real problem” being lack of male leadership).

I agree that God has given men the responsibility of pursuing wives and marriage. I also agree that God has called men to be leaders. Maken, however, seemed a little too eager to put the blame of "protracted singleness" squarely on men's shoulders. Intentionally or not, this book is very negative towards single men (especially those who are over 30 years old).  I took offense—you can’t really expect me to enjoy a book in which I’m the villain. 

In fairness to Maken, I hear she has toned down her rhetoric over on the Boundless website.  And I do appreciate her attempt to dispel some of this “gift of singleness” nonsense.  I just wish she had done so in a way that calls both men and women to do some soul-searching.

My Concluding (Random) Thoughts

So there you have it—two books and two extremes.  Let me give you a few more of my thoughts:

Singleness is not a Gift

We can argue all day about the translation of 1 Corinthians 7:7, but it is unwise to build an entire doctrine on one verse of the Bible.  Singleness and the problems that come with it (loneliness, sexual frustration, etc) cannot be considered a gift—especially when one looks at the Bible as a whole.  I don’t even believe in the gift of celibacy, but I’ll tackle that in another post. 

Singleness is not a Sin

Being single can cause us to be more vulnerable to certain sins (sexual immorality, for example).  But we have to use some common sense.  If we followed that way of thinking to its logical conclusion, everyone would need to get married as soon as the hormones started raging.  Here’s the bottom line:  the Bible never calls singleness (even “protracted singleness”) a sin, so neither should we. 

Hold the Guilt, Please!

We should never make singles feel guilty for desiring marriage.   Neither should we make them feel guilty for not being married.    Let’s affirm marriage as a good, godly desire without heaping guilt on those who are still single.

Complex Issues Don’t Always Have Simple Answers

“It is not good for the man to be alone,” God said (Genesis 2:18).  Therefore, I am concerned about the drastic increase in singleness—it seems to go against God’s natural design. 

Having said that, I don’t think it is fair to blame God (McCulley) or blame men (Maken) for the situation we find ourselves in.  Instead, I believe we the Church (men, women, pastors, etc) need to ask ourselves some hard questions.  Maybe these are a few to consider:

There is often a shortage of single Christian men in churches—how can we more effectively reach them?  Why did they leave?

How can we encourage singles to pursue marriage without making them feel like second-class citizens?  

How are men and women sabotaging their chances at finding a suitable spouse?  How can we guide them away from such self-destructive behaviors?

Has the Church embraced some of the negative, extreme aspects of feminism?  Are we teaching women to pursue education, career, and other ambitions at the expense of marriage? 

How does the Church respond to professionalism—a world in which one must usually complete college (and maybe graduate level studies) in order to succeed?

These are just a few questions worth considering.

NOTE:  I know there are some strong opinions regarding these books/issues.  I welcome your comments, but let’s keep things civil.  Neither of these authors is my enemy—they’ve just written some things I disagree with.

Many Christians meet their spouses by coincidence--they meet at time when they weren't necessarily looking for love (a college class or church event, for example).  

"There are no coincidences in a Christian's life," you may argue.  Fair enough, but I think you understand my point:  some people find their spouse without really looking for him/her.

Such stories are inspiring, and it seems God sometimes goes "out of His way" to make sure two people get together.  But here's the problem:  I think we've created over-spiritualized, unrealistic expectations on how one is to meet his/her spouse.  

Let's take the whole "waiting" idea.  When I talk about "waiting," I'm usually referring to sexual abstinence until marriage.  But it seems many Christian singles think "waiting" means you can't do anything to look for a spouse--you just . . . wait . . . and wait . . . and wait some more.   

I want my readers to consider two things:

1.  God is glorified in Christ-centered marriages, regardless of how the two met.   The real God-glorifying part comes in the way the husband and wife serve each other through marriage.  I'm afraid we get too caught up in stories of how couples met instead of paying attention to how they handled their marriage afterwards.

2.  Taking practical steps to look for a spouse does not make you less spiritual.  I've already talked about this in previous articles.  But the more I talk to Christian singles, the more I feel the need to repeat it.  If you are of age, take advantage of every opportunity to meet Christian singles.  Don't confuse being pure with being passive. 

Related Articles on KuyaKevin.com:

Is it OK to Search for Love?

Singleness and the Sovereignty of God

I always call Valentine's "Singles Awareness Day"--if you are single on V-day, you are definitely more aware of it. 

I don't have any special advice for those of you who are single.  If you are one of those "misery loves company" types, just keep in mind that most of the people you see celebrating probably won't be together next year. 

All joking aside, I don't have any special plans for today.  I've been super-busy and I refuse to do anthing except rest. 

We talk a lot about relationship issues on this website.  But there's another area where a lot of young singles make big mistakes:  MONEY.

I would highly recommend Dave Ramsey's website (and podcast, and books) to all of my readers.  I wish I had learned and followed his principles back when I was in my 20's.

Here are some themes you'll hear on his show:
*Don't go into debt (except for a house payment). 
*Live on less than what you make.
*Save money, invest wisely, and build wealth.
*Give generously.

Makes sense to me!

The Case Against Passivity and Over-Spiritualization

The short answer, of course, is “yes.”  Yes, because a godly spouse is a good thing, and “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)

But here’s another crucial question: how does God provide a spouse? 
Many Christian singles think “God’s provision” means they don’t have to do anything.  In fact, many think searching for a spouse demonstrates a lack of faith.  In short, I’m afraid we’ve confused being passive with having faith.  

Why do I believe it’s OK to search for a spouse? I’ve already explained it in another article, but I’ll go a little deeper here.

Reason #1: Because passively waiting for God to provide a spouse is not in the Bible.

“What about Adam and Eve?” you may ask.  Well, if I wake up naked in paradise with a missing rib, I’ll call off my search.  Until then, I don’t think Adam’s scenario applies to me (or to you).  There are important lessons we can learn from the story of Adam and Eve, but the way to find a spouse is not one of them.

Other Scriptures are more applicable:


He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. 
–Proverbs 18:22

Note the word “finds.” I usually don’t find something unless I’m looking for it.

Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24)

Some may use this story to argue that God ordains and selects our spouse for us.  Fine, but let’s not forget the extraordinary steps Abraham took to find a wife for his son—he sent a search team to another territory!  Did Abraham not trust God to fulfill His promise of descendants (Genesis 15:5)?

Reason #2: Because one person’s experience should not be considered normative for everyone, even if he/she writes a book.

A young woman asked this question a few days ago:
“Why do some believe all you have to do is wait because God prepares someone for us?”

My Response:
“Because they’ve read too many books based on an individual’s experience instead of the Bible.”

Yes, there are people who met their spouse without even trying.  But there are also many Christians who didn’t find their spouse until they decided to do some searching.  Sadly, there are many others who are sitting around in frustration, waiting for God to write their love story.

Allow me to share something else I’ve noticed.  I think we fail to see the practical side of some before-mentioned authors’ love stories.  Here’s an example: Josh Harris wrote about finding his wife in Boy Meets Girl.  It’s actually a good book which I have no problem recommending.  But something stood out to me: he mentions first seeing his wife when she gave her testimony in front of their church.  At the time, he was sitting with another young woman he was interested in (or sitting with her family—I don’t remember the exact details). 

What does that tell me?  He was in a church with reasonably large group of available single women (or at least there were enough for him to have more than one “prospect”).  I know some of you are not in churches like that—you may be in that small church where the only singles are 80 year old widows.  If such is the case, you have to figure out a way to expand your social circle.

There may be times when God specifically tells someone to wait and stop looking.  This is God’s prerogative, and we should obey him.  But unless you’ve received this specific instruction from God, it’s OK to search.


Reason #3: Because we would not apply this warped “waiting” logic to any other aspect of life.

Here are a few examples:

I trust God to meet my financial needs.  But I also know I need to take practical steps, such as communicating with my ministry supporters and encouraging them to give.  

In the same way, I would never question the faith of someone who went out looking for a job.  I would not ask him to examine his motives to see if he really trusts God to meet his financial needs.

I believe the Holy Spirit is the One who convicts people of their need for Jesus.  But I also believe I have a responsibility to share the gospel.  I see no contradiction.

Would you tell your friends to stop looking for work and let God meet their financial needs? Would you tell your friends to stop sharing the gospel and just leave it up to God? I don’t think so!

Then why do we criticize those who join dating websites?  Where do we get this idea that the best way to find our spouse is to stop looking?  I don’t get it.

Final Thoughts:

I believe we can trust God to met all our needs.  But let’s not forget our responsibility in the process.  I’ll write more on this in days to come.

I began exploring the "singleness" topic over at kuyakevin.com. I only wrote a few articles because I decided it didn't fit well with the overall theme of my blog.

So, if you are interested, you can read a couple of the articles I wrote specifically with singles in mind:

A Really Dumb Poem About "God's Plan"

Singleness and the Sovereignty of God

Both of these posts deal with over-spiritualization, which I believe is a huge problem in the way many singles approach relationships.  You'll see me write more about this in the days to come.

I have a few female friends who made a huge mistake. They reached their late 20’s and panicked over their single status.  They lowered their standards, dropped their guards, and married fools.  As you can imagine, the result was a complete disaster. 

I’d like to encourage women who are struggling with their single state—please don’t push the panic button! 

Here are a few things I’d like you to keep in mind:


First and foremost, remember that being single is much better than being married to an unsuitable partner.   The most miserable, heartbroken people are not singles—it is those who are stuck in bad marriages (or dealing with the consequences of a failed marriage). 

You can be intentional without acting foolishly or desperately.  As I’ve mentioned, I see nothing wrong with taking some practical steps to look for a spouse—I encourage it.  But you must always guard your heart and make wise decisions.   


“Settle” for the right things.  As you mature, you may realize some of your expectations for the perfect man were not realistic.  “Tall, dark, and handsome,” may be replaced with “sober, sane, and employed.”  There’s nothing wrong with adjusting your standards—but don’t compromise on essential qualities (such as good character).

Finally, remember there are options for those who marry after their childbearing years.  Let’s be honest—a woman’s fertility begins to decline at around thirty years old.   But many beautiful families are formed through the process of adoption.  Family is more about love than biological ties. 

Note: I’m not encouraging young women to postpone marriage in favor of their careers.  I’m just trying to encourage those who are getting frustrated in their search for a husband. 

Here are a few things I plan to write about once I have time:

Guilt-Mongering

I think some misguided pastors and authors have made singles feel guilty.  Some make us feel guilty for wanting to get married.  Others make us (especially the men) feel guilty because we are not yet married.  I think there's a desperate need for us to get back to the Bible and common sense. 

Singleness and the Mission Field

I'd like to talk about the advantages and disadvantages of being a single missionary.  The issues are different for men and women, so one or two single female missionaries may contribute. 

The "Gift of Celibacy"

I hear this phrase used all the time, but is it even biblical?  What I've read in books and heard in many sermons just doesn't match what I see in the Scriptures. 

These are topics which are perhaps a bit too "heavy" for my blog (kuyakevin.com).

There's something I've noticed after six years of college ministry: when it comes to romance, young professionals (those who have graduated college) need different advice than teenagers. 

I often used the analogy of an accelerator and a brake.  I'll explain.

I'm constantly trying to put the "brakes" on teenagers.  Seems they are eager to jump into relationships without considering the long-term consequences (see also: what is the right age for a relationship?).  I encourage them to slow down and think about their decisions. 

On the other hand, I encourage young professionals to use the "accelerator"--to takes some practical steps in finding a spouse.  Once you've graduated college, it is easy to get into a rut: work, eat, sleep, and never meet anyone new.  I've met plenty of singles who haven't been on a date in over a year.

Ironically, both groups resist the needed adjustment.  Teenagers insist that these temporary, immature relationships give them experience and inspiration.  Young professionals insist they are too busy to have a social life.

What do you think?  Is it time for you to use the accelerator?

Note:
I apologize to those of you whose comments have been deleted.  I have moved this blog around and lost some of the comments in the process (long story). 

My name is Kevin.  I’m a missionary living in Manila, Philippines.

My other blog (KuyaKevin.com) focuses more on purity, devotional thoughts, and life in general.  I post there several times a week.  I also have a blog about strength, fitness, and weight loss.

Who is this blog for?

This blog is primarily for Christian singles--those who are old enough to consider marriage.  Anyone is welcome to read, of course, but we will be discussing issues related to this specific group. 

Why am I creating this blog? A few reasons:

*I’m not completely satisfied with some of what I’ve read from other writers, pastors, and theologians.  I see a great deal of over-spiritualization, non-biblical extremes, and guilt mongering (and in some cases, a combination of all three). 

*I’d like to make my own humble contribution to the discussion of life as a single Christian.  Since I am single and in my mid-30’s, I’d like to share some things I’ve learned on my journey.   I want to talk honestly about both the hardships and benefits of single life.

*I also hope to encourage those who are, like me, still hoping to marry.  Young adults face different relationship issues, for example, than teenagers (especially young teenagers). 

*I want to offer biblical truth, thoughtful exhortation, and no-nonsense advice.