Age, Singleness, and Theology

I first want to recognize the obvious: Jason and I haven’t done much with his blog lately. I would apologize or promise to do more, but that’s kind of pointless. I’ve been busy teaching people how to lose fat and gain muscle over at my fitness blog. I’ve also kept busy with my personal blog (Kuya Kevin’s Blog). Both of those projects have kept me busy in terms of blogging/writing time.

But I guess we’ve also lost some of the “fire” to talk about Christian single issues. I started this blog in part as a response to what I saw as extreme views being espoused by well-known preachers and authors (see A Tale of Two Books). Now it seems some of the debate has died down, or maybe that’s just my perception.

Well, I guess I should stop rambling and get to the actual post/point:

I recently wrote a post entitled God’s Will and “The One” over on my blog. I have presented this information in some of my seminars this last month.

A couple of days ago I talked with one of my friends who attended one of these before-mentioned seminars with his fiancé. They had a pretty lively discussion afterward. She believed God had chosen them for each other, so they were talking about God’s will vs. their choice, etc.

This couple is in their early to mid-twenties, and I believe this was a huge factor in the way the young woman looked at this issue.

Before I go any further, I want to clarify something: I don’t pretend to fully understand the sovereignty of God and the free will of man. In other words, please don’t interpret what I’m saying as an “I’m-right-you’re-wrong” type mentality. I understand there are different views on how God works in our lives, including the area of finding a spouse.

But here’s my first point (one I talked to my friend about): It’s very easy to believe/teach about God “writing your love story” if you meet Mr./Ms. Dreamy and get married by your mid-twenties. This, after all, is how most Christians plan their lives to work out.

But being single longer causes one to delve deeper and ask more difficult questions. Here are just a few:

*Am I unrealistic in my expectations?
*What is my role in finding a spouse?
*What does the Bible really teach about marriage, singleness, and the “gift of celibacy?”
*Why are there so many people who want to get married but are still single? Has God “chosen” this for them?
*Should I consider marriage to a single parent or someone who was previously married (divorced/widowed)?
*Is it OK to use dating websites to meet someone?

Needless to say, I don’t have all the answers for these questions. But I have wrestled with them—much more than I never did in my early 20’s. I’m guessing others in my situation have had the same experiences.

Once again I feel the need to clarify something: I see nothing wrong with getting married in your early twenties, and I think we can learn valuable lessons from those who have.

But this leads me to my next questions: Has the conversation about Christian singleness been dominated by those who married relatively early? Do we automatically assume the best advice comes from them?

Let me try to explain a little further. Suppose a guy meets his wife in college. They marry a year or two after graduation and start their family. Good for him—college can be a great time to find a spouse. Now let’s pretend this same guy is now nearly 30 years old. One of his former college classmates, same age and still single, asks him for advice about dating, etc. What is he going to say? Well, he may start spouting out some of the overspiritualized “just wait on the one God has chosen for you” lingo.

Our 30-year-old bachelor may hear the same thing from his pastor, who also got married right out of college.  Now he's in a real dilemma:  he feels guilty if he does anything to look for love, since this reflects a "lack of faith."

Therein lies the problem: our bachelor heard advice which was not practical, biblical, or even relevant to his situation.  

My advice to singles: Be sure you are not basing all of your theology or choices on one blog, person, or book (except for the Bible).