My approach to single issues has always been a bit different. I spend a lot of my time seeking to bring singles into balance with their single life...trying to help them avoid the trap of thinking their lives aren't really significant until they find a mate.

Others are doing a great job communicating to singles the more practical issues of wisdom, building character, and preparing for godly union with the opposite sex. My burden has been somewhat different - I want to help Christian singles break free of the painful yearning that invariably leads to a deep dissatisfaction with single life. As I said last time, one need not let go of their desire and hope for marriage to enjoy a very satisfied experience as a single today. And while many singles are satisfied and productive, far too many are not.

In keeping with this, let me share some of the things that have encouraged and stabilized my single life over the years. These are not coping skills. Let me be very clear about that. At the same time, some of these tools may help break the "coping pattern," so that one can live a free, healthy, and satisfying single life right now.

1. Invest yourself in Bible study and prayer. As a single, you probably have significantly fewer distractions and responsibilities competing for your time and attention. Take advantage of that. This bit of advice often gets a big "eye roll" from singles. I cannot express how often I've realized that some of the most special times I've experienced with God are the result of His ability to call me into the place of scripture study and prayer on a moment's notice. As a married person (especially once you have children) you will likely have to make time for God. As a single, you have a surplus of time (comparatively speaking). Invest it in your relationship with God. The expansion of your soul in Christ is the number one way to develop a settled sense of deep contentment as you wait on God for your husband or wife.

2. Develop relationships. Families tend to be somewhat insular. Not isolated, but insular. I knew most of my married friends while they were still single. I would estimate that once they married, my time with them was cut by about 90%. Once they had children, it was cut by about 98%. Some of these relationships are practically "phone" or "email" only relationships today. That is just the nature of putting your family first. Many singles naively think that married life, for them, will not represent a significant encroachment upon their time or prior relationships. It probably will, and there is nothing wrong or abnormal about that. So you want to take time to really invest in your circle of friends right now. Not only will you be grateful for the time you invested in that fellowship later, but deep and open relationships will go a long, long way in keeping you emotionally healthy and balanced as a single.

3. Find ways to serve. Can we be honest for a moment? Single to single here? Much of the dissatisfaction singles experience comes from an unhealthy focus on self. Spending too much time thinking about myself and what I want that I don't have. Service to others will not only bring you closer to God, but it has a dramatic tendency to turn the heart outward. Do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that rational self-interest or personal desires are bad! I am saying that when we dwell too much on unfulfilled desires, it can take a toll on our emotional health. Practical service is a great way to keep our unmet hopes from being too all consuming.

Now, for a couple of tips that aren't so spiritual.

4. Get out of the house! I make it a regular habit to get out and do something, even if its by myself. Some of the best times I've had were the result of spontaneous solo ventures. Road trips. Concerts. Art galleries. Walks in the city. Coffee shops. Even restaurants. I could probably spend the rest of my life alone in a coffee shop, as long as I had some good books and an iPod. There is little more depressing than sitting alone in your house or apartment, watching TV. If this is your primary mode of existence, do not be surprised if much of your time is spent in a pattern of "wishing" for something else.

5. Invest in interests and find new ones. Do you have an interest or a hobby? Take the time to invest in it. Take that spare time to develop a talent or reach a goal. Keep your life in motion. Because I know that things can get old and tired once they are too familiar, be proactive in developing new interests. By looking into the interests of friends, combing local publications for events, and just trying different things out, I have developed numerous interests and pleasures over the last several years that have served to keep life fresh and interesting.

So, some of this might come off as just being kind of trite or consolatory. But I am telling you, if you'll take these things to heart, over time you'll find they go a long way in helping you maintain a sense of wholeness, while helping you avoid falling into patterns of yearning and dissatisfaction.