As a 37 year old "never married," the thought crosses my mind more and more frequently - has God ordained singleness for me? Because the possibility definitely exists, I am provoked to ponder the consequences and ramifications on an increasingly regular basis.

In all honesty, it is really a question that all single servants of Jesus Christ need to ask themselves at some point, young or old. There is always the possibility that God's calling on one's life will be enhanced by lifelong singleness. In some instances, the call of God is so radical that lifelong singleness may even be required (see the apostle Paul).

I am not sure that "singleness" is a calling, in and of itself. I am certain, however, that sometimes God's calling includes His request that we remain single (the nature of some work or mission requiring singleness if it is to be maximally effective).

Because the possibility of lifelong (or even long term) singleness seems to be such a devastating thought to so many Christians, we've developed a certain way of thinking about the issue. We have come up with a "solution" to the problem...one that has been widely circulated around the church. It sounds something like this: "If God has ordained singleness for me, the desire for marriage will disappear."

Now, it is not my goal to jerk the rug out from underneath anyone's feet. At the same time, what we must also acknowledge is that this assumption has no Biblical basis. Am I saying that God never tempers that desire in such circumstances? No, I am not. What I am saying is that since we have no Biblical basis for it, it is not safe to make our decisions concerning life altering matters like marriage on speculative notions such as these.

The life of the apostle Paul was one of self-denial and sacrifice. It is clear from his letters that he felt the weight of those sacrifices. In 2 Corinthians Ch. 1, Paul confirms that his sufferings and hardships were sometimes so difficult that they caused him to "despair of life." In speaking of his own romantic life, Paul said, "Do we not have a right to take a believing wife along with us, as the other apostles do? But we did not use this right. On the contrary, we put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ." (1 Corinthians 9:5-12).

Paul obviously did not think "taking a wife" was a hindrance to the ministry of certain others. He also confirmed that he would have been within his rights to marry. Yet, there was his calling to the gospel that he was determined not to "hinder" by exercising his rights. Nowhere do we ever find that Paul had simply lost the desire to have a mate.

When God calls, we normally accept that His cross will require some painful sacrifices. The forsaking of some dream, or maybe saying goodbye to friends and family. We expect to feel the cross pressing us in those areas. I'm not sure quite where we came by the idea that singleness was somehow different.

I believe that if God's calling results in His asking us to lay down marriage, it will be a painful obedience. However, I also believe that such sacrifice brings a power, a gifting, a vision, and a joy commensurate with the price being paid. When Paul said, "We despaired of life," he also said, "This happened that we might rely on God and not ourselves...on Him we have set our hope." The same Paul who laid down all rights to his life, including the right to marry, knew God more intimately and was used of God more powerfully than perhaps any other human being that has ever lived.

And what was Paul's joy and boast at the close of his life? "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness." (2 Timothy 4:7-8) In other words, Paul faced death without a single regret. He looked forward into eternity with full assurance that he'd paid every price to remain obedient, with full confidence that his, "light and momentary afflictions were achieving an eternal glory that far outweighed them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17)

If you are considering God's will for your life in regard to marriage, may I urge you not to rely on platitudes and assumptions that have little or no Biblical basis. Rather, listen to the Spirit of God and what He is saying to you. If God's calling is unusually sacrificial in nature, be obedient and trust that He is able to repay you infinitely more than you have given up for His name.

Remember the apostles who said, "Lord, we have left everything to follow you." Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age...an in the age to come, eternal life."

Paul wrote of his desperate afflictions for Christ's sake in scripture 2,000 years ago. What do you suppose he is saying now? Is he saying, "Don't throw away your selfish opportunities!! You only have one life to live...make sure to do everything that is in your heart!!" Or do you think he's saying, "Its more glorious than I could have ever imagined. Do all that is in God's heart without fear of loss or regret. He is worth more than a thousand husbands or a thousand wives."

Is it not on the latter that we have placed all our hopes? Trust in God!