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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Single No More


I married the most beautiful woman in the world on March 17th.  I've already announced it on my personal blog (KuyaKevin.com), but I thought I'd mention it here, too. 

I never intended to stay single so long (I'll be turning 40 in just a few weeks).  But I have no regrets.
 

Photo Credit: Bing Tajon (http://tajonite.tumblr.com/).







Saturday, August 6, 2011

1st Corinthians 7@My Blog

Hey guys,

I've written a post over on my personal blog: 1st Corinthians 7: Singleness, Celibacy, and Choices.

Feel free to stop by and check it out. 

I could have posted it here, but the vast majority of my readers follow my personal blog (KuyaKevin.com). 

Maybe one of these days I'll think of some new articles specifically for this blog.  But not today . . .

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Boundless and "Defrauding"


There's something that's been on my mind for a while.  I haven't said anything about it because I don't want this blog to come across as too negative about the Boundless website. 

But I keep seeing their writers reference a particular Bible verse in a way I find questionable.  Here's the passage in context:

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;  that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,  not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;  that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified.  For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.  Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.
-1st Thessalonians 4:3-7 (emphasis mine)

This is obviously a passage about sexual purity (I use it all the time when speaking to young people).  But the writers at Boundless keep saying "defrauding" (vs. 6) can also refer to leading someone on or dating someone you have no intention of marrying.

Let me first make something clear: leading someone on is not Christ-like behavior.  I've been the victim of this myself and I know how painful it can be. 

I'll even take things a step further: I agree with the Boundless writers' assertion that you should make some kind of decision within a year of dating/courtship (either get married or break up). 

But I'm troubled by their repeated use of "defrauding" (and referencing this passage) for anything other than sexual immorality.  I don't see how Paul can be referring to anything else.

Why don't they just use the "golden rule" to make their point? 
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. -Matthew 7:12
Why am I bothered about this "defrauding" term when I agree with the end conclusion of the Boundless writers/editors?  Well, I believe one of the most important ways to show reverence for God's word is to interpret it properly.  We should not add things to the text that just aren't there, even when we have the best intentions. 
 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Age, Singleness, and Theology

I first want to recognize the obvious: Jason and I haven’t done much with his blog lately. I would apologize or promise to do more, but that’s kind of pointless. I’ve been busy teaching people how to lose fat and gain muscle over at my fitness blog. I’ve also kept busy with my personal blog (Kuya Kevin’s Blog). Both of those projects have kept me busy in terms of blogging/writing time.

But I guess we’ve also lost some of the “fire” to talk about Christian single issues. I started this blog in part as a response to what I saw as extreme views being espoused by well-known preachers and authors (see A Tale of Two Books). Now it seems some of the debate has died down, or maybe that’s just my perception.

Well, I guess I should stop rambling and get to the actual post/point:

I recently wrote a post entitled God’s Will and “The One” over on my blog. I have presented this information in some of my seminars this last month.

A couple of days ago I talked with one of my friends who attended one of these before-mentioned seminars with his fiancĂ©. They had a pretty lively discussion afterward. She believed God had chosen them for each other, so they were talking about God’s will vs. their choice, etc.

This couple is in their early to mid-twenties, and I believe this was a huge factor in the way the young woman looked at this issue.

Before I go any further, I want to clarify something: I don’t pretend to fully understand the sovereignty of God and the free will of man. In other words, please don’t interpret what I’m saying as an “I’m-right-you’re-wrong” type mentality. I understand there are different views on how God works in our lives, including the area of finding a spouse.

But here’s my first point (one I talked to my friend about): It’s very easy to believe/teach about God “writing your love story” if you meet Mr./Ms. Dreamy and get married by your mid-twenties. This, after all, is how most Christians plan their lives to work out.

But being single longer causes one to delve deeper and ask more difficult questions. Here are just a few:

*Am I unrealistic in my expectations?
*What is my role in finding a spouse?
*What does the Bible really teach about marriage, singleness, and the “gift of celibacy?”
*Why are there so many people who want to get married but are still single? Has God “chosen” this for them?
*Should I consider marriage to a single parent or someone who was previously married (divorced/widowed)?
*Is it OK to use dating websites to meet someone?

Needless to say, I don’t have all the answers for these questions. But I have wrestled with them—much more than I never did in my early 20’s. I’m guessing others in my situation have had the same experiences.

Once again I feel the need to clarify something: I see nothing wrong with getting married in your early twenties, and I think we can learn valuable lessons from those who have.

But this leads me to my next questions: Has the conversation about Christian singleness been dominated by those who married relatively early? Do we automatically assume the best advice comes from them?

Let me try to explain a little further. Suppose a guy meets his wife in college. They marry a year or two after graduation and start their family. Good for him—college can be a great time to find a spouse. Now let’s pretend this same guy is now nearly 30 years old. One of his former college classmates, same age and still single, asks him for advice about dating, etc. What is he going to say? Well, he may start spouting out some of the overspiritualized “just wait on the one God has chosen for you” lingo.

Our 30-year-old bachelor may hear the same thing from his pastor, who also got married right out of college.  Now he's in a real dilemma:  he feels guilty if he does anything to look for love, since this reflects a "lack of faith."

Therein lies the problem: our bachelor heard advice which was not practical, biblical, or even relevant to his situation.  

My advice to singles: Be sure you are not basing all of your theology or choices on one blog, person, or book (except for the Bible).

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Get Fit in 2011

I just wanted to remind any of you out there to visit my Fitness Blog for information on weight loss, gaining muscle, etc.  The new year is always a great time to think about making positive changes.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

New Book Idea?

I know I haven't posted here in ages, but I've finally got something on my mind which fits this blog.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm an author.  I've published a couple of books about relationship issues (my latest book is entitled Learning the Hard Way: True Stories of Heartbreak, Healing, and Hope.) 

So far what I've written focuses more on sexual purity.  But I'm considering going a slightly different route if I decide to write book number three.

I'm thinking of writing a book called The Dumb Things Christian Singles Believe or something like that.   Here are some of the reasons for writing such a book:

1.  It seems some of what I've read just isn't balanced (check out my post entitled A Tale of Two Books).


2.  I think there are a lot of Christian singles out there who are frustrated.  I believe part of the frustration is due to mixed messages from the church.  


3. This blog is not a mens rights or "men going their own way" blog.  Having said that, I'm getting a little weary of the oversimplified rhetoric of "men just need to get their act together."

4.  This one is related to #3.  I'd like to see singles encouraged to pursue marriage in a way that is not so . . . well . . . holier-than-thou. 

These are just a few things going through my mind.  I'm not presuming to have all the answers to these issues, but maybe I could help encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I'm not sure if this book will ever happen.  Heck--I'm not even sure I could get anyone to print it (here in the Philippines or the States).  I'm just thinking out loud. 

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Finding the Love of Your Life (Review)

I just ran across a gem of a book that a friend loaned to me: Finding the Love of Your Life: Ten Principles for Choosing the Right Marriage Partner, by Neil Clark Warren, PhD.

Warren, a Christian Psychologist/Counselor, makes a case for taking great care in selecting a spouse--none of us would argue with that. Here are a few things he mentioned for singles to do in the mate selection process:

*Make sure you have developed a reasonable level of self-identity (know where you are going in life, etc). He argues against getting married before the mid-20's. I found this interesting considering some of the debates going around about young marriage.

*Get emotionally healthy yourself.

*Avoid premarital sex. Warren argues for abstinence because premarital sex clouds one's judgment (I've written about this before: Premarital Sex and False Intimacy).

*Look for someone who is similar to you in the most important areas (spiritually, intellectually, etc).

Those are just a few highlights.  I don't have time to write a more extensive review. 

This book has been around a while--it was written in the early 90's.  You can buy a used copy of this book for 1 cent. That's right--1 cent. I just bought one for about two dollars to add to my library (I looked for one that was in a little better shape).  It'll be waiting on me next time I visit the States.
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