Honoring God in a City Full of Needy Children Rather than a Quiverfull of Separatist Children: Exposing the Biblical Holes in Quiverfull Theology

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, "Quiverfull Theology" refers to the belief that any form of contraception is a sin against God and you should simply "allow God to plan your family."

This belief has been gaining ground among some conservative evangelicals.  Wade Burleson, a Southern Baptist Pastor, has done an excellent job in exposing some of the problems in Quiverfull Theology.

Here's his post:

Honoring God in a City Full of Needy Children Rather than a Quiverfull of Separatist Children: Exposing the Biblical Holes in Quiverfull Theology

Weighing in on that Christianity Today article. 

Mark Regnerus recently posted an article in Christianity Today entitled The Case for Early Marriage.  Albert Mohler jumped on the bandwagon and praised Regenerus' work. 

While Regnerus makes some interesting points, I was shocked by this statement:

Evangelicals tend to marry slightly earlier than other Americans, but not by much. Many of them plan to marry in their mid-20s.Yet waiting for sex until then feels far too long to most of them. And I am suggesting that when people wait until their mid-to-late 20s to marry, it is unreasonable to expect them to refrain from sex. It's battling our Creator's reproductive designs (emphasis mine).

As an advocate of sexual purity, I'm appalled.  I'm equally perplexed that Mohler would choose to quote something that directly contradicts the Bible.

Consider Paul's warning against sexual immorality:

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.
--1st Thessalonians 4:3-8

Apparently what God expects is "unreasonable."

There's a lot more I could say if I had time.  But I'd like to contribute to this discussion by asking three simple questions:

Question 1:  What if this article was written in 1890?

Regnerus noted the tendency to marry older since 1970.  Well, why don't we go back 80 years--the average age of marriage for men was 26.  What if a well-known Christian author/pastor said it wasn't "reasonable" to expect these young men to wait until they were married?  I imagine he'd be labeled as a hedonist and never taken seriously again.

Question 2:  What if we applied that same logic to divorce?

Rengerus follows the above quote with this statement: "Very few wait long for sex."  In other words, since so few are abstinent, it isn't "reasonable" to expect them to be abstinent.  But what about divorce?  We know the divorce rate is high, even among Christians.  Following this same warped logic, you'd end up with a statement like this:

"It isn't reasonable to expect two people to be faithfully committed to each other until death.  The data doesn't lie:  many will end up divorced."

See the problem?  Making assertions based on people's behavior instead of the Scripture is a slippery slope.


Question 3:  Is Anyone Thinking of the Positive Aspects of Marrying Beyond Age 25?

Speaking of divorce, there is a correlation between marital success and marrying beyond the mid-20's.  Consider this data from divorcerate.org:

 Those who marry at 25 and up have a significantly lower divorce rate than those who marry younger.  I'm not saying we should encourage all singles to wait until they are 25, but there does seem to be some advantages to it.  Marrying later does have its problems, but it may be one reason the divorce rate in America is falling.

I hope these three questions will give us some food for thought.

I really get cracked up with the Stuff Christians Like blog. 

Tonight I ran across this gem:

Stuff Christians Like: Surviving Church as a Single

It made me laugh out loud.  Enjoy!

I occasionally read Boundless.org.  I think they produce some good, practical articles for singles.  A few days ago I noticed an article entitled Browsing for a Mate by Candice Watters.  She shared her views on the pluses and minuses of using online dating services.  Reading it brought this question to mind:  are Christian leaders too negative about internet dating? 

Before I go any further, let me say this:  I believe we should encourage caution and discernment when it comes to internet dating (or any kind of dating, for that matter).  I've discussed this in some of my own articles.  But Watters' article seems to take a negative tone:  she mentions a few advantages of online services, but it seems she put a lot more thought into the "minuses" section. 

It isn't the first time I've seen this:  the article on Josh Harris' website has a similar "feel" to it. 

I have a great deal of respect for Candice Watters, Josh Harris, and their respective ministries.  But here are my concerns:

*The before-mentioned articles seem to emphasize the negatives of online dating.  I don't see much about the thousands of people who have successfully found a godly spouse online.


*Some of the disadvantages I've seen discussed are, in my opinioin, not unique to online dating.  I've met plenty of men and women who compromise purity and wisdom in relationships that started through more traditional means. 

*Finally, I don't get the sense that the writers really understand the plight of the "average" Christian single.  Here's what I mean: the single person may find very few marriage prospects in the average church.  Even larger churches may not have much in the way of singles ministry.  The internet may be one of the few places a Christian single can connect with other like-minded singles. 

I'm not on a campaign to get everyone to join an online dating sight.  But I have several friends who are happily married as a result of online dating.  I hope Christian leaders are not too negative about a legitamite means of finding a spouse.

What do you think?

Here's a news story I ran across:


I know some of us would consider this extreme--spending 50,000$ on a matchmaker?

But another thought hit me: didn't Abraham do something quite similar to find a wife for his son? Consider this story from Genesis:

Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the LORD had blessed him in every way. He said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."
-Genesis 24:1-4

The Bible even indicates Abraham took considerable expense:

Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor.
-Genesis 24:10

There are differences, of course in these two stories.  Abraham was primarily concerned with finding a spiritually suitable partner for his son (vs. the millionaire's "b" requirements).   Having said that, I wonder if the mystery millionaire's approach is more biblical than the "don't do anything, just wait on the Lord" cliches being passed around in churches.

As I mentioned in a previous review, using the "theological giants" as a source of authority can be problematic.  

Martin Luther, for example, is often quoted as saying fewer than "one in a thousand" men are truly suited for celibacy. 

But I ran across a humorous quote from the same work,  The Estate of Marriage:

To sum the matter up: whoever finds himself unsuited to the celibate life should see to it right away that he has something to do and to work at; then let him strike out in God's name and get married. A young man should marry at the age of twenty at the latest, a young woman at fifteen to eighteen; that's when they are still in good health and best suited for marriage. Let God worry about how they and their children are to be fed. God makes children; he will surely also feed them. Should he fail to exalt you and them here on earth, then take satisfaction in the fact that he has granted you a Christian marriage, and know that he will exalt you there; and be thankful to him for his gifts and favours.

Would anyone consider this sound advice on marriage in our current context--telling young women to marry at 15?  I sincerely doubt it.

In fairness to Luther, it was a different time--men were finished with their education (if any) much earlier.  But that's my point--we must be careful in interpreting and applying his thoughts. 

Don't get me wrong--I think we can still learn much from those who have gone before us and wrestled with theological issues.  But let's not forget something: even "theological giants" were only men.

Lisa of the Christian Single Woman did an online (email) interview with me.  You can read it HERE.